Reconcile Your Reality

Is your current reality riddled with blind spots, or do you have a clear and accurate understanding of where you are right now and have a level of an awareness that's going to allow you to set the right action goals moving forward on the journey for 2021? Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today, I want to continue our conversation around getting ourselves ready and planning for a 2021, which is the best year we've ever had by talking about the second area of the R4 method, and that is your current reality.

So last week, we talked about the results that you want to have, and you set some goals and some areas of improvement that you wanted to see at the end of 2021. But now, what we need to do is come back to the other side of the equation and go, "Where am I now?" and reconcile your current reality. So to recap, the model, as we talked about a couple of weeks ago when we started this journey together, is we're looking at the results that we want 12 months from now. And then we reverse engineer it, like we're going to do today, to, "How does that look different right now? What's my current reality?" And when we do that, we've now got a gap. We've got a gap between where we currently are and where we want to go. Knowing that in an accurate way will allow us to set up a plan to not just do some tasks, to get those goals, but to become who we need to become so that we will get them.

Next week, we're going to talk about roadblocks. We're going to talk about the third area, those things that would stop you from getting those results and may have already been stopping you from getting them already. So today, getting a clear picture of your current reality will help you next week to be able to identify those roadblocks, and therefore the week after, we'll be able to talk about the resources to help you overcome those. I know in my own military and corporate career, I had many people that were telling me things about me that I didn't want to listen to because if I change, that would be uncomfortable and I would need to become someone that I didn't think I was capable of becoming. And it wasn't until there were a number of instances in my corporate career where I finally started thinking, "Hang on, there might be some truth in what these people are saying."

I took a deeper look at myself because I was at a position where it was really starting to hurt, and I found that I hadn't been all that accurate in assessing my current reality. So when we assess our current reality, there are two things that can challenge us and actually give us an unhealthy view of where we think we are. The first of these is to underestimate our ability, underestimate where we actually are right now, underestimate the level of success that we already have, because that then keeps us down to where we think we should be. That can be very dangerous because having a deflated view of yourself is not very empowering.

The second is just as dangerous and that's to have an overinflated view of where you are right now, to operate out of the Performance Trap and tell ourselves lies so that we feel better, and that if anyone else wants to know about our plans, we can say we're up here, but we're really down there. So, what we want to do is we want to reconcile and coming to the true North with that. We want to get the real story. Now to do that, you may need to go back to some of the things that we've been working on. You may need to get a lot more healthy understanding of who you really are. Remove those limiting and false beliefs, remove the Performance Trap, get that mini-me under control, all those things that I've been working with over the year with you and helping you to understand the things that are holding you back. When we get to that position where we're ready to look at ourselves in a healthy way, where we're doing that forward-focused reflection, and we're realising that we are assessing ourselves and doing an audit of our current reality from our logical brain for the sole purpose of allowing us to work on some things that's going to help us to get where we want to go.

So, it's not an exercise to beat ourselves up and go, "Oh yeah, look, no wonder you haven't got where you wanted to in 2020 because you're this." No, it's about empowering us. So, looking at our reality can either be an anchor that holds us back or an engine that propels us forward. And that's what I want to do today is to help you to look at it in that way. So, there are a few steps that you need to go through to be able to get a real healthy, accurate reality.

The first thing we need to do is we need to get our reality for us. So, this isn't about getting a reality that's part of the Performance Trap, that's pleasing others, that makes us look better in the eyes of others. This is getting a true start point. If we were putting together a road trip and we worked out our timings, we worked out our fuel, we worked out everything, not something that I used to do all that often, but anyway I've learned, if we say, "Oh, look, we're a little bit further down the road than we actually are," when we work that out, we're going to run out of fuel. And it's exactly the same if we overestimate or underestimate where we actually are. So to do this, we need to get our big-thinking voice going, that one that wants us to succeed, to propel us forward. And we need to go, "It's okay that there are some things that I haven't yet achieved. It's okay that I'm in this actual reality right now because I am still growing. The journey is still going. We're not at the end point yet." So, step number one is to make sure that we look at our reality to serve us, not to serve others.

The second thing we need to do is break down our reality into the areas that we have goals in or results that we want 12 months from now. So for example, if it is around our health, we need to look at our health reality. If we've got finances here, we need to look at our financial reality. If we've got relationships here, we need to look at the reality of our current relationships, et cetera. You get the picture. So, what we're doing is getting a clear picture in all those areas of the gap between where we are now and where we want to go. What I'd love you to do is to stop the video, stop the podcast, and just go through that process before you go on and do anything else today. Get that process down. "So, these are the results that I want. Where am I actually now?" When I work with people with Social and Emotional Intelligence or working on their stress levels or working on their behaviour and their communication, I can use actual psychometric and neurometric assessments to help to get a clear understanding.

And if that's something that you are interested in, then go on the website and put in something in the contact us area, and I'll come back to you on that. However, this exercise is one that you're going to do to help you with what you currently know about yourself. Another thing that you may want to do is get a coach. Get someone who can facilitate that conversation with you, so that you get challenged when they sense that you are in congruent with what you think and what you're saying, where they help you to navigate that internal dialogue and get that big voice out there doing this exercise, rather than the small voice. However, get yourself started today. Considering those two things that you want to do as well, just put in this time.

Having a clear reality that is true, that's been reconciled in the right frame of mind is a crucial step in being able to set up a plan to go where you want to be in 2021 so that you know exactly what you need to do and which steps you need to take as we go into next week and look at removing those roadblocks.

Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week, when we continue this journey of the R4 method to set ourselves up for a fantastic 2021 by removing your roadblocks. I'll see you then.

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