Shifting Your Identity

Do you constantly beat yourself up and doubt your own abilities, or are you super confident and know that you have everything within you that you need to be who you need to be in every area of your life?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today, I want to continue our conversation around who we need to be in the VUCA world so that we can lead ourselves, we can lead what we're doing, and we can lead others without all the stress and conflict. And I want to continue to talk around those shift areas that we unpacked over the last month.

So, we've talked about the three particular areas of leadership. We've talked about personal leadership, we've talked about our professional or project leadership, and we've talked about people leadership, and we agreed that leadership is not about getting people to do what you want them to do. It's about building an internal set of characteristics of the leader that enabled you to flow in the strategies, in the competencies, in the behaviours that allow for a healthy environment and relationships. So, let's go back now to the first area, and that is the area of personal leadership. And let's go into that first area, and that's where we work on our identity.

My identity is not what I do. That's my activity. My identity is who I believe I am. I can go from doing something that I'm not happy with to it affecting how I feel about myself, unless I navigate that situation with Emotional Intelligence, unless I've built up my Personal Power and I've got a hold of my self-talk and that inner dialogue that we've talked about before. And instead of nursing and rehearsing things in a way that stirs up the emotion and reminds me of all the times that I haven't done well, I can bring it back up into the logical brain and I can look at what I could do differently moving forward. So, working on our identity is crucial to be able to lead itself, let alone lead projects or lead other people. The first question I always like to ask myself and ask the people that I work with is this, "Who are you?" The number one element of your identity is who you believe you are.

So much in our world today, we look to others to let them dictate who we are, what they say about us, whether or not they like our posts, whether or not they're friendly to us. Those things don't dictate who we are. And when we let them, then we're not in control of our own identity, and that's where the problems start. And I certainly am someone who lived that life for many, many years. I've said this before, Eleanor Roosevelt said it so well, "What other people think of you is none of your business." Yet, we make it our business all the time. We're so focused on the external validation from others, rather than validating ourselves.

So, what I want to do is I want to empower you to do the latter. To be able to go, not from a arrogant point of view of going, "I don't care what anyone else thinks. I'm me." No, from a confident space that says, "You know what? I'm not there yet, but I'm a work in progress and I'm happy with where I am right now. I know what it is that I need to continue to work on on a daily basis. And I know it's all about continuous improvement. It's not about perfection and I'm happy with what I see when I look into the mirror, and I don't just mean physically."

So to do this, the area that we need to work on is our self-awareness. It's the first quadrant of Emotional Intelligence. And if you were on our summit a couple of weeks ago, you would have had a number of speakers talk about the things that I want to bring up today, and that is being able to remove those blind spots and to have clarity around the truth, to be able to remove those false and limiting beliefs about others and get the real story, and then make a plan out of that, to improve in the areas that we need to improve.

The first point here is that we need to take responsibility for deciding who we are. We need to take responsibility for building up our own identity. It's not an external gig. It's not something that we look to others for. They will be part of the process and how we filter what they say and do will determine whether or not it positively builds us up or negatively erodes who we believe we are. So, they are part of the process. But at the end of the day, the buck stops here. I am responsible for my identity. You are responsible for your identity, and that is the first place that we need to get to.

So now that we've made that mindset shift and we've decided, "Yes, if it is to be, it's up to me", the first thing that we want to work on now is realigning ourselves with who it is that we want to be, who it is that we feel we were created to be. And to do that, we need to come back to purpose. We need to come back to our own values. We need to come back to what's most important to us. We need to come back, not just to what our family have led us into because of cultural differences or this is what we believe in this family, but getting a true revelation yourself of what's most important to you and why it is that you're on the planet, why do you exist on a daily basis.

When we do that, whatever we operate out of from there will drive us towards our true purpose. And when we're working in our true purpose, we're being congruent. We are not rubbing against something that's false. We're not living the imposter syndrome or feeling like a fraud. We are in flow. And that's the whole idea of working on that first area of identity is to go from feeling like a fraud to please others, to get along, to make sure that people like us to feeling in flow with who I am. And these things all have a knock on effect in terms of things like our energy. When I invested days and days on trying to be who I wasn't, it was very energetically depleting.

However, when I'm in flow of just being who I am, being okay with that and operating out of that, I've got energy to burn at the end of the day. And I'm able to then come away from my business, from my practice, and I'm able to invest the energy in the other areas of my life like my family. So, the second thing after we've made that decision that it's our responsibility is to get back to purpose.

The third area to focus on is to then look at the things that we believe about ourselves and to do an audit. And I love the word audit because it's a logical brain process, to do an audit and to look for evidence as to whether or not it's actually true. If you believe that no one likes you, I guarantee that coming up into your logical brain, there would be evidence of interactions that you've had this week, where people were pleasant and friendly and got along with you and people even reached out to you. So, the logical evidence actually debunks the negative that we've been believing. So, the third thing that I want us to do now that we've made that decision, that it's our responsibility and we've got back to our purpose is to challenge and flip our limiting and false beliefs. And in future videos this month, I think I'll actually do a video just on that to help you to be able to get that done.

So, there's three things that you can do to be able to get control of your identity, to take back control of who you believe you are, and to build a foundation, to build a platform of who you are so that out of that, you can then become who you need to become so that you can do the things that you need to do in the various areas of your life.

Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week, where we will continue to look at this area of identity, of Personal Power, of beliefs by looking at how to actually do that belief audit and to flip those negative and false beliefs and clear them out of the way so that you can continue to become who it is that you want to become. I'll see you then.

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