Reconcile and Release

Do you already feel like you are carrying way too much baggage with you on your journey in the first month of 2021, or did you only bring with you what you needed so that you could get where you wanted to go? Hi, this is Grant Herbert, Emotional Intelligence Speaker and Trainer of the Year and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue our conversation in the first month of the year around making sure that we set ourselves up to get the results that we want at the end of the year by helping you to go through a process that I call reconcile and release.

So if you've been coming on the journey with us so far as we finished 2020, I took us through a process which I use, which I call the R4 method, and it's where you set the results that you want. You look at your reality and how that's different, you unpack the roadblocks, the things that are stopping you from getting there, and then you look at the resources that you need to add to overcome those roadblocks and get the results that you want. And last week, we talked about those wonderful things called New Year's resolutions. Those things that can be empowering or disempowering, depending on how you view them and how you use them. And last week, we did a resolution rescue, where we took your great intention, your idea, and we made sure that we repacked it into a plan, into a bigger picture so that instead of it just being something flippantly that you said you were going to do, you actually get it done.

I've been talking to a number of people and I'm finding a common theme and that is that there are still way too many people that are holding on to things in their past, whether it be from 2020 or for many years before that. And even though they're putting together a great R4 plan and they've taken their New Year's resolution and they've added some weight to it and some structure to it, it's still holding them back. They're still not able to start taking the action that they know that they need to take to get the results that they want. It's like going on a journey and you're taking everything that you own and you've packed it all in the car and the back of the car is like way down. And as you go along the road, the bottom of the boot is scraping on the ground because it's just got too much weight on it and then it's not able to perform, and it takes you forever to get it anywhere, and in the end, it just breaks down. And that's how I'm finding that a lot of people are feeling right now.

Great intentions really want to shift things, move the needle forward in 2021, however, still carrying way too much weight for them to be able to get there and to enjoy the process along the way. So, what I want to quickly talk about today is a process that I use to make sure that I'm only taking with me what I need to take. It's like when we go on the holidays and my wife would be packing her stuff and we'd be all packing our stuff. And it's a bit of a fun joke that we have with each other, when we get to the airport and mum's bag is always the heaviest.

And it's because mum is planning. My wife's planning to make sure that if there's a cyclone or an earthquake, or we get stuck there, or there's any type of weather, she's prepared for everything. So, she brought everything with her. And that is how sometimes we look at where it is that we're going on a journey in life. "I've got to take everything with me just in case." What I would challenge you to do is to look at just in time instead. What are the things that I need to take with me, the things that will help me to move the needle forward in every area of my life. So therefore, unpack the things that are holding you back, unpack the extra weight, the excess baggage that's costing you more to take along the journey? There are three particular areas that I like to look at when I'm doing this process. And there are many more, and you can use your own context and use the process to get the same result. However, the three areas that I want to talk about are our beliefs, our behaviours, and our connections.

So, the first one is our beliefs. What are the beliefs that you have brought forward with you into 2021 that are actually holding you back? Beliefs about yourself, self-beliefs, about the world, beliefs about others, beliefs about the business that you're in, beliefs about whatever it is in your world. What are those things that you are believing that's creating the thoughts that you're having that's either being an engine to push you forward, or are they an anchor holding you back? So, the first area that we're going to have a look at is our beliefs. The second area that we're going to have a look at is our behaviours. What is it that you are still doing or not doing that doesn't serve your 2021 journey? What are those familiar behaviours, those habits, that conditioning fueled by the beliefs that is not actually going to produce the results that you want? The third area is our connections. So if we look at our relationships, whether they be in our home life, our friendships or in our business, our practice, whatever it is for you, what connections have you made in 2020, or even before, that you've been carrying for a long period of time that aren't actually serving your current journey? So, there are the three areas that I'm now going to give you a process to go through and make sure that you're only taking forward what's going to serve you and serve the people around you and the greater good.

So now that we have identified the three areas that we're going to work on, there's a simple but powerful process that I use to make sure that I'm actually taking forward what I need, and that two-part process is to do a reconciliation and then to do a release. Reconciliation is all about doing an audit, doing a logical brain process that says, "In my beliefs, in my behaviors, in my connections, which ones are actually serving me and which ones are not?" And then being able to go through and continue to do the process and then release the ones that we don't want to take with us. To do that, I use a ledger with a line down the middle, a piece of paper. I can do it in my thoughts now because it's conditioned, and I go, "Okay. So if I do the reconciliation, and I've written down the beliefs that I feel I'm still having, that I know are creating the thoughts that I have and creating the behaviour that I'm experiencing", and I then ask myself two questions.

The first question is, "For what purpose? What is the reason that I'm still holding on to that belief? What is the reason I'm holding on to that behaviour? What is the reason that I'm still keeping that connection? So, the first side of the ledger is for what purpose? And to do this, we need to chunk down. We need to go deep. So if we put down the first thing that comes to our mind, it's probably only going to be on the surface level. It's probably not going to be the true, real reason why you are still holding onto that belief, that behaviour, that connection. Now, for some of you, you may need to get someone else's help. You might need to work with a coach to be able to get them to facilitate going down deeper to the real reason. The reason that is feeding one of your fears, one of your frustrations, one of the more deeper level internal things that are going on for you, chunking it down.

So, let's say I'm believing that I'm too old to change into this online business space. So if that's the belief, it's clearly going to hold me back from going where I want to go. So, I need to challenge that belief. I need to reconcile it. And then, so why am I thinking that? Because most of the people that I see are younger than me. Is that true? And then I can look at that and go, "Well, no, it's not really." So, why am I believing that? What's the real reason? And as I ask myself questions and go deeper, I can find out what it is that's really holding me back. So then, what I can do is ask myself the second question and that is, "At what cost?" What is it costing me to hold onto that belief, to hold onto that behaviour, to hold onto that connection.

When I do that, and when you do that, what we want to look at is those results that we said that we wanted to have at the end of 2021. So if I look at them in relation to that, are they actually going to help me to get there, or are they going to keep me back here, and are they one of the roadblocks? For what purpose and at what cost? And remembering that, as I talked about last week, we have to have a pain, we have to have something that we want to move away from that's going to get us up off the nail, or we'll just make a noise about it. And if you're not quite sure what I'm talking about there, go back and watch last week's episode and listen to that, if you're on the podcast, and you'll understand what I'm talking about.

So, there we have it. A process at this part of our journey in January, where we've got a plan, we've got our New Year's resolution, we've resurrected that, and we're now going, "Hang on. It's been going on for a few weeks now. Am I still carrying stuff that I don't need to take with me? Is it time for me to repack my bag so that I can relaunch going into the next part of the year?" And to do that, we're going to reconcile and release. So, there you have it. Now, we're shifting things, we're moving things. January has been a time of growth, a time of building, and I'm really proud of those who are continuing the journey with me. Hey, if you've got something out of this for yourself, please, I'd love to hear about it. Drop in a comment. If you're listening to this on the podcast, I'd love a review. And in the review, that really helps me to get that message out even further. If you're listening to it on my blog or on my YouTube channel, please leave a comment and let me know. Share it with your friends. Let others go through this same process as well.

Well, that's it from me for another week. Join me again next week as we finish off our January strong, ready to do what we need to do to become who we need to be, to go into February on fire, ready to take massive action, and shift the needle towards our end of year goals. I'll see you then.

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